Voe for Joe!
Joe Devoy for President – 2016
My fellow Americans; I, Joe Devoy, am running for President. That’s right, today I launch my campaign to take back our country, to make it great again, to launch change you might be able to believe in. Joe “Not just beer” Devoy!
Voe Joe “Not just beer” Devoy for President!
After considerable thought, and some very deep conversation with my family, I have decided I can not sit back any longer and I need to throw my hat in the ring. For the American people, for you, for all the people out there that have had enough of the other douches, I’m your man!
Voe for Joe!
My campaign platform will be based on the following inalienable rights that we have as Americans!
Voe for Joe!
- If you are old enough to die, old enough to vote, you are old enough to have a pint. Not only old enough, your country will buy you your first beer as congratulations on not having to live with your crazy parents anymore. Voe for Joe!
- I am going to make all illegal drugs legal and all legal drugs illegal. That’s right all illegal drugs are now legal and all that stuff that will kill you like Oxycodone is illegal. Voe for Joe!
- As regards foreign policy, there shall be no American involvement in any wars, unless the Commander In Chief (Me!), and his whole war cabinet sign up to fight on the front lines for the first six months of the war. No chance I’m fighting on the front line, so your sons and daughters are safe. Voe for Joe!
- Mandatory happy hour every Friday at 3pm. No exceptions. Voe for Joe “Not just beer” Devoy!
- Retirement age reduced to 50. The work week will be reduced to 20 hours with Mondays being optional. Voe for Joe!
- The White House will be turned into the world’s best frat house, just with a cleaning person and good beer. Forget selling nights in the Franklin suite to the highest donor. If you can say “Suzy Suzy sitting in the shoe shine shop, all the day she sits and shines, all the day she shines and sits” fast 10 times in a row you are in. Voe for Joe!
- I am going to change the oval office to a circular one because I like circles better. Voe for Joe!
- My fiscal policy would be best described as irresponsible. Make sure everyone has enough, and if we run out print more, pay everyone a ton of money for their 20 hour week. Voe for Joe “Not just beer” Devoy!
- I am going to build a wall around Wall Street and the Capitol building. I will hire Irish and Mexican lads to build this wall. Voe for Joe!
- In lieu of campaign donations please support all of the Lancaster Pub Crawlers who are shaving their heads on April 9 to raise money to fight cancer. Voe for Joe “Not just beer” Devoy!
- Lastly I know “Voe” should be “Vote,” but if Donald Trump can say crazy stuff like he is a successful business man, and Hillary can say mad things like she cares about the working man, I can make up my own word. So Voe for Joe and my campaign promise to you is that I am crazy, but a little less crazy than all those whack jobs running against me!
Voe for Joe “Not just beer, he drinks whiskey, too” Devoy !
Change that you might or might not be able to believe in.
Voe for Joe!
Slightly less crazy than his opponents.
Voe for Joe!
The rhyming king
With the hairy chest
Medallions of bling
Able to fix this mest (see what I did there)
Voe for Joe!
A voe for Joe is a voe for free beer for America
Voe for Joe!
Fiscally irresponsible, so much more fun that way!
Voe for Joe!
Retire at 50, you deserve it!
Voe for Joe!
Suzy Suzy sitting in the Shoe Shine Shop party
Voe for Joe
Circles are better
A Voe for Joe is a Voe for your inalienable rights (I am admitting here I don’t know what inalienable means) !
A Voe for Joe is a Voe for America, well, and maybe Ireland, and come to think of it I like Nepal, too. And Colorado and Wyoming and California, and I can’t forget Brazil and Alaska. So I guess a Voe for Joe is a Voe for everywhere. Well, everywhere except Long Island. The traffic is too bad there, and it makes the people angry. Well you get the point: Voe for Joe “Not just beer” Devoy!
A Voe for Joe means you do not have to vote for one of the other whack jobs!
Voe for Joe
Donald, Hillary, or Joe: which one is more American? Joe: more American than French fries, Budweiser, or Kraft macaroni and cheese.
Voe for Joe
He can make a difference (as long as it is not a Monday)
Voe for Joe
He can make up his own words!
Voe once
Voe often
Voe before you grow
Voe before you go
Voe for Joe
Voe for Joe
Voe slow
Bo know’s Joe
Voe for Joe!
Voe for Joe!
And lastly Voe for Joe “Not just beer, he drinks whiskey, too” Devoy and you will lose weight. It is guaranteed. Forget P90X, Medifast, Weight Watchers; just Voe for Joe and lose 10lbs instantly. Voe for Joe “I am running for president and can make up whatever crap I want” Devoy.
Find us on the world wide web at:
www.voeforjoeslightylesscrazythantherestdevoy.com
www.voeforjoenotjustbeerdevoy.com
www.voeforjoedifferencemakerexceptmondays.com
www.voeforjoeinalienablerightslikewhiskeydevoy.com
www.voeforjoefiscallyirresponsibledevoy.com
www.voeforjoemakeloveyouaintgettingmyassonthefrontlinedevoy.com
10 Comments
Sandy Asher
April 1, 2016 9:16 am
Yo, Joe! You have our voe. XO
marilyn
April 1, 2016 9:57 am
only one suggested change to the platform: hire irish and mexican LASSES and lads for your wall-building endeavours.
alright.
carry on, then!
Definitely not Matt
April 1, 2016 10:40 am
I wouldn’t trust Joe to run my lawnmower!
Matt Patterson
April 1, 2016 1:15 pm
FINALLY – a candidate who doesn’t lie through his teeth, and one in whom we can believe!
Gerry Grady
April 1, 2016 1:45 pm
No Monday’s you got my voe Joe
Mike U.
April 1, 2016 2:38 pm
Not sure about “slightly less crazy” but you have my voe and offer to lead your Midwest delegation.
David
April 1, 2016 3:42 pm
Check his birth cert.
Queen Victoria
April 2, 2016 9:13 am
OMG! There is HOPE!
I am ready to volunteer for campaign.
Only thing is I will not shave my head. I already lost it one time to the Big “C”.
But I will cheer on those that are!!!
Great platform Joe!
Voe Joe!
Queen Victoria
April 2, 2016 9:13 am
OMG! There is HOPE!
I am ready to volunteer for campaign.
Only thing is I will not shave my head. I already lost it one time to the Big “C”.
But I will cheer on those that are!!!
Great platform Joe!
Voe Joe!
Michael Miller
April 2, 2016 2:21 pm
Finally a candidate that deserves my voe!